To Dog or Not to Dog, That Is the Question

Doyou believe in magic? How about life-changing coincidences? What about intuition?

Recently, I was invited to go help the local shelter with a grant. They just had a few questions, no big deal.

[Backstory - I have been avoiding the shelter because I want a dog, but I don't feel "ready" for a dog. It's been almost five years since my last sweet pooch crossed the rainbow bridge, two years since I finished paying his vet bills (he was really sick at the end), and one year since my mom passed (I was her primary caretaker so adding a dog to my life would have been impossible during her final year). So I've had no real excuse for about a year. Except that we plan to move in the spring and I wanted to have flexibility in choosing a new place - not having to find someplace that allows dogs.]

So, my friend asked for my help just before Thanksgiving. I said I couldn't do it until the Wednesday after the holiday because I had too much on my plate before that. She checked with the director and that was going to work out because the grant isn't due until December 13. So, on the appointed Wednesday (December 4), I headed into the shelter. As I parked, I saw a white dog being taken into the kennel building...and I felt something. Recognition? Excitement? Fear???

I ignored it and went into the office to see how I could help. Alas, the director was in a meeting with other folks and I had to wait. Talked to a very dedicated board member who was volunteering that day (and most days!). Waited. Still busy. So I asked if I could go out and visit the dogs in the outdoor kennels and maybe over at the indoor kennel building. Yes and yes...so I went and met all the dogs. Saw two really playful beautiful dark colored Siberian huskies - oh my, I love huskies. And they sure looked like they were having fun with each other! But my heart did not speak with them. I continued on and met four or five other dogs. One strong silent type that I really liked. One that looked like a border collie, but howled like my beagle Snoopy. Made me laugh out loud! 

I decided to follow my heart into the kennel building...found the white dog in the entry area being brushed. I asked if I could come pet him and was invited to do so. As I stroked and scratched through his very thick fur, he smiled and seemed plain happy to be there. The feeling that was nudging me was curiousity and hopefulness. I'd had a feeling of familiarity - like he has some connection to my sweet dog Oso who left us about a decade ago. He was a very special dog and I always wondered if he'd come back to me. 

While I was petting him, I asked silently in my head while looking him in the face..."Are you Oso?" and he jumped up to my face. Oh dear. But because I never trust just one instance, I waited a bit, chatting with the young woman that works at the shelter, still petting the big handsome (covered in cow/sheep poop and other adornments) pooch...eventually, I asked again, "Are you Oso?" And again, right at that moment, he jumped up toward my face. I didn't tell the woman what was going on. I couldn't quite believe it myself. When the director was ready to meet, I left this amazing creature and went to talk about a grant for the organization.

That night I told my partner about the experience. I asked him to go meet him with me the next day. He agreed to go and see him. In the meantime, I asked all my friends for advice on whether he really was my Oso and, if so, if I should push my partner to get him. I even asked my new pendulum if it was in my highest and best interest to get this dog...I got a yes! And I asked if it was in my partner's highest and best...and I got a VERY STRONG yes. I did the same for my son (Yes!), my cat (yes), and the dog himself (yes!). 

Unfortunately, when we got to the shelter to visit, the pooch was just getting back from being neutered and getting vaccinations...and he was stoned. So he was very much lacking any real personality at that point. We saw the director as we were leaving and she asked how my partner had liked the dog and we explained the dog was too stoned to really know. And she quipped, "That's how I keep all my dogs until they're adopted!" I'm still laughing about that one. 

Another night, another day and we went back and met him again. My partner liked him, but his size was scary to him. We told the shelter we'd probably be back to pick the dog up on Sunday, but I wanted to wait until my partner was 100% committed before we made a final decision. That night at home, my partner said he didn't think he could do it -- the dog was just too big, too restless...it would be too much work/time/brain space for him. He had too many other things he was juggling and adding a dog, which would be like a part time job in the beginning, was just too much. I understood because I was feeling overwhelmed about it, too. But I still felt like it was the right thing for all of us. 

However, I didn't want to bring a dog into a conflicted household, so I told my partner I'd cancel the appointment for picking him up and I'd let him go to another family that needed him. I was sad, but I decided to trust Life that if this dog was meant to be in my life, he would be. And if not, something better was on its way. Because that's how life works - this or something better.

On Monday morning, my partner said he was willing to give it a try. We would pick up the dog and see how things go at home for a few days. If he felt like a fit, we'd keep him. If not, we'd bring him back and let the next person in line get him. He's a Great Pyrenees so he's highly likely to be adopted quickly. We agreed to spend Monday night and Tuesday morning getting the house ready for him and just let things fall as they would and be open to any outcome. 

Tuesday came at last! We picked him up and he gave hugs to us and everyone at the shelter to say good bye. He is a magical, loving dog...named Albus (as Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter) and I think he's putting spells on our hearts quite quickly. It was a good first day at home and I think the odds are in our favor of keeping him. 

The timing is excellent. I'm writing this blog at the end of Albus's first day with us...which also happens to be the eve of the one-year anniversary of my mother's death and a few weeks before the two-year anniversary of my father's death.

Without this very large, prancing, playful beloved furball in my life, the holidays could seem very dark and full of reminders of my losses. Instead, they will be full of love, connection, and purpose as I lean into becoming the human my dog thinks I am.